Real-life advice from a real-life recruiter

Archive for July, 2014

Understanding Separate Realities

Hello fellow followers! While enjoying a day at the spa I had the opportunity to relax and read the excerpt “Understanding Separate Realities” from the book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson. Reading this chapter struck a cord- since last week’s blog I featured- learning how to connect with people. So, while on the subject of connecting with people, I find real value understanding that people will have separate realities but when connecting you still have the opportunity to build a valuable relationship if you’re willing to understand and learn what makes that individual tic.

Understanding Separate Realities

It’s not a matter of merely tolerating differences but truly understanding and honoring the fact that it literally can’t be any other way. -“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”

If you have traveled to foreign countries or seen depictions of them in movies, you are aware of vast differences among cultures. The principle of separate realities says that the differences among individuals is every bit as vast.

Richard Carlson states that understanding individuals have separate realities can virtually eliminate quarrels and helps you develop compassion. Why? Because when we expect to see things differently, we take it as a given that others will do things differently and react differently to the same stimuli, the compassion we have for ourselves and for others rises dramatically. The moment we expect otherwise, the potential for conflict exists.

Being interested, without judgment in the way other people choose to live and behave is a strategy geared toward developing your compassion, as well as a way of becoming more patient. When someone acts in a way that seems unusual to you, rather than reacting in your usual way, such as, “I can’t believe they would do that,” instead say something to yourself like I see, that must be the way she/he sees things in their world.

Connecting the dots…to connecting with people

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie

Hello fellow followers! Connecting with people can sometimes be more challenging and uncomfortable than we think.

Take a look at the following tips on how to connect with people by Scott Dinsmore.  Scott Dinsmore is the founder of Live Your Legend, a coaching and digital product company helping people build a career around work they love.

 

  • Be genuine. The only connections that work will be the ones that you truly care about; the world will see through anything short of that.
  • Pay attention. It’s nearly impossible to genuinely offer help if you don’t pay attention — I mean real attention, not just to what sports and foods they like! Learn about their backgrounds and passions. Invest genuine time in learning what really matters to them and how you can help.
  • Make real friends. Think about how you’ve made the friends you have. That’s all this is. You only make friends with people you genuinely want in your life. Don’t over-think it. Be human, be helpful and most humans will happily be human in return, regardless of who they are.
  • Provide help. Even the biggest and most powerful people in the world have something they’d like help with. Too many people never reach out to those above them due to the fear that they wouldn’t be able to offer anything in return. But you have more to offer than you realize: write an article or blog post about them, share their project with your community, and offer to spread their message through a video interview with them. Give real thought to whom you could connect them with to benefit their goals.

Turn that frown upside down!

Hello fellow followers! We have all dealt with negative emotions in our professional and personal lives, but did you know smiling has many benefits?

Check out the below cool facts about smiling from the pickthebrain.com

  • Forcing yourself to smile can boost your mood: Psychologists have found that even if you’re in bad mood, you can instantly lift your spirits by forcing yourself to smile.
  • It boosts your immune system: Smiling really can improve your physical health, too. Your body is more relaxed when you smile, which contributes to good health and a stronger immune system.
  •   Smiles are contagious: It’s not just a saying: smiling really is contagious, scientists say. In a study conducted in Sweden, people had difficulty frowning when they looked at other subjects who were smiling, and their muscles twitched into smiles all on their own.
  •  Smiles Relieve Stress: Your body immediately releases endorphins when you smile, even when you force it. This sudden change in mood will help you feel better and release stress.
  • It’s easier to smile than to frown: Scientists have discovered that your body has to work harder and use more muscles to frown than it does to smile.
  •   It’s a universal sign of happiness: While hand shakes, hugs, and bows all have varying meanings across cultures, smiling is known around the world and in all cultures as a sign of happiness and acceptance.
  •   Smiling helps you get promoted: Smiles make a person seem more attractive, sociable and confident, and people who smile more are more likely to get a promotion.
  •   Smiles are more attractive than makeup: A research study conducted by Orbit Complete discovered that 69% of people find women more attractive when they smile than when they are wearing makeup.
  •  Smiles use from 5 to 53 facial muscles: Just smiling can require your body to use up to 53 muscles, but some smiles only use 5 muscle movements.

 

 

Know thyself…

Hello fellow followers!

Many people live in peaceful ignorance of themselves and their needs, others not wanting to know for fear of what they would have to address. After reading an article by Emotional Health Expert Elaine Sihera, I thought we’d all find value in understanding ourselves. Below you’ll find her POV on why knowing yourself is so important for the following three reasons:

First, you have to live with yourself 24/7

No one in your life will be with you as much as you are with yourself. Would you live with a stranger for so long without knowing anything about them? Really, it is about self-awareness. Who you are, what you like and want, where you are going, what makes you happy and what makes you irritated. Those are very vital things to know if you are to improve the quality of your life and benefit from the things which make you happiest.

Second, self-awareness builds confidence

The more you know about you, the greater you will feel emotionally and the more adept you will become at dealing with situations. You then become more intuitive about what works for you and what doesn’t. Self-awareness is a powerful tool for improving competence because you will be pushed along directions which make you feel good rather than living in a vague way from day to day, not knowing how you feel or what you should do.

Finally, self-awareness boosts identity

If you don’t know much about your background, history, culture, gender and what you value, how will you get on with others in mutual respect? They cannot respect what they don’t understand. People who lack self-awareness tend to be ambiguous and make others feel uncomfortable because they are never sure what to do. So ignorance about the self is not a good thing

What is the first step of getting to know me?

The first step to getting to know you would be-asks questions. Just as you would with anything topic or person that you’d like to know a little better, do the same for yourself. Here are a few starter questions that you can begin to ask that will provoke so thought.

  • When do I have the most energy? Day or Night.
  • What makes me happy?
  • What makes me unhappy?
  • Do I like to work with people?
  • Am I energetic?
  • What do I do really well?
  • What do I like about myself?
  • Am I pessimistic or optimistic?
  • What’s my best quality?
  • What’s my worst quality?
  • What do I not like about myself?
  • What is my motto?
  • What’s my biggest worry?

 

“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.” ―Lao Tzu